October 29, 2014

Coffee Date // Vol. 6

Today I am so excited to spend another Community Brew link-up with some of my favorite bloggers. As you may know, Rachel from Oh, Simple Thoughts and Madison from The Wetherills Say I Do started this community quite a while ago. I have seen much encouragement and friendships built though this link-up and every time I read other's posts, there is always something that I need to hear. I couldn't be more thankful to all these girls.
The Community Brew topic today is...no topic. Oftentimes we have topics that we focus on but this month is a free one to share whatever is on our hearts. Let me be honest, these are often the hard ones for me. I have to open up and be honest with what I am feeling an sometimes I don't want to open up. But the whole point of community is to share honesty, who you really are and what you have really struggled with.
So, here we go.
When I think of what has been on my mind lately, the word worthiness comes to mind. Worthiness is something I have struggled with for many occasions. In the past, I had never felt as worthy as I know I should have been.
Between my family, friends and relationship with the Lord....worthiness just wasn't happening.
Now I couldn't tell you why because I am not sure what brought these feelings. I am my own hardest critic and I think that is what it all boils down to. I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I could always do better.
With that being said, I also grew up in a super strict church. This was the type of church where tradition was at its finest. There were these sense of rules that really shouldn't have even mattered at all. But if you stepped out of one of those rules, cough....wearing jeans, you were considered to not be your best for the Lord. While attending church, I felt like I had to impress more than focus on why I was there. This also brought feelings into not being good enough for the Lord.
Sean and I started dating when we were 17 years old and during our relationship, he knew I was a follower of Christ yet he knew something was off. I could have done something wrong, such as judging someone, and I would have felt like the Lord just threw up His hands and said he was done with me. I used to be scared of the Lord. I used to think He would punish me with bad things happening rather than showing his everlasting mercy. Sean knew I never felt worthy enough for him or for Christ. This definitely played into our relationship as well because there was always a confident that I lacked. It literally took Sean taking me by the hand over and over again to show me who the Lord really was and how worthy I was to be a daughter of Christ, girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend and neighbor. It definitely helped but I still never felt that 100% worthiness feeling.
Talk about frustrating.
This past March, Sean and I found a new church home that has completely turned my life around. This church has shown me how worthy I actually am and how deeply the Lord yearns for me to have a relationship with him. See, in the past, I would always focus on knowing the facts about religion and if I didn't know these facts, I was a worthless person. It turns out, everything I ever thought in the past was so opposite of who the Lord is. There are no facts to know, the point is to just simply have a relationship with the Lord. Feel His presence, sing praises to Him. He wants me to be an open book and to be honest about everything that is happening in my life. Because guess what, He already knows all about it, He just wants to help me through it.
          
Galatians 2: 20
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
         
Matthew 6: 26        
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
John 3: 16-17         
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.
Thankfully to my husband, my church and the Lord's constant pushing, I have transitioned to a new way of thinking. I am so worthy for the Lord and He loves me no matter how many times I mess up. He continues to wrap me tight in His loving embrace and nothing can separate that. Sometimes I feel like a weirdo because in every single service, I cant help but to weep. I feel so moved and so touched with feeling a constant reminder from the Lord saying
"I am here with you. Remember how much I love you and how worthy you are in every aspect of your life."
I am thankful for such a loving Lord. I am thankful that I can just have a conversation with Him on any topic I struggle with and rather than turning away, He turns all attention to me. Since this past March, I didn't know who the Lord was. I started to grasp it, but not fully as I should have been. A part of me refers to myself as a new follower of Christ because I now understand who He is and what He is all about. I now feel worthy for Him, my husband, family, friends and complete strangers. That confidence that I was lacking for so long has been built within me and I no longer fear of unworthiness. I want to drop everything and give all to Him as he does for me.
The Lord is just so incredibly good, faithful, true, compassionate, magnificent, glorious, graceful, majestic, divine, merciful, humble and indescribable...and the best part about it, He constantly reminds me of how worthy I am to live a peaceful life all surrendered to Him.

6 comments:

  1. What a wonderful reminder- I am so glad I stopped by to read this! Thank you for sharing your heart!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh sweet girl, thank you so much for sharing what's been on your heart! I'm so glad that you've been able to fully transition into an understanding of the Lord and knowing that he loves you and cares about you no matter what, no matter how many times you mess up or just want to give up. I needed this today, thank you.

    Brianna
    xobriannaleigh.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. With all the pressure to keep up with the "Jones" it's easy to forget. Thank you so much for reminding me of this today!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Such beautiful words! I catch myself not thinking that I am worthy because of all the grace The Lord shows me. I feel like at a certain point He will just give up, but this is such a great reminder! Thank you for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Have you heard of the book Grace for the Good Girl by Emily Freeman? I'm reading it right now, and it's so good. I think you'd like it. She talks about a lot of the things you mentioned in this post. Gal 2:20 is a good one. It was one of my memory verses a few months ago!

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is beautiful Lauren! Thanks for sharing your heart and opening up!

    ReplyDelete