August 4, 2014

Life // I am incredibly selfish sometimes.

Trip is paid for, bags are nearly packed, packets of things to do are sitting on the counter, 39 days until we leave....then everything changes. This weekend was a tough one. As I have mentioned over and over, Sean and I were planning to be in Panama Beach this September for our anniversary. Well, we have been keeping a close eye on the news because there is an issue going on with a high level of flesh eating bacteria rising in the Gulf of Mexico. Unfortunately, a few people have already passed away because of it.
When Sean was 14, he caught the flu which turned into pneumonia. He was young and thought he just had a cold so he literally waited and waited to go to the doctor. That resulted in an air lift to the hospital, a two week coma, life support and the big question to if he was going to make it.
Ever since he had been released from the hospital, his doctor told him that his immune system was weakened.
I mean, if you read my post on what happened with his cat bite Im sure you would understand.
 The Florida officials are saying that if your immune system is weak, don't get in the water. So for us, its not even worth the risk. Sure we don't have to get in the water but I know that neither one of us would be able to relax the entire weekend. I would flip out if the smallest bit of water even dropped on him.
So, we decided to cancel our trip. Yes, I shed some tears and I had a lot of anger built up because we had this trip booked since March. How can something that is planned so perfectly get ruined by a random flesh eating bacteria. I felt like it was a joke.
Selfish? Oh yes. I cant tell you how selfish I have felt this weekend.  Actually, feeling selfish and pretty dumb whining over it at all. I started to think to myself that we are incredibly blessed that we have read article after article and heard news after news about this bacteria. Yet, here I am complaining that our perfect little trip was canceled.
For now, I'm not sure what we are planning to do. I have looked at the mountains in NC all the way down to the east coast of St. Augustine. We may try to take another trip just as big as our Panama one or we may just take it easy and go to a nearby town a few hours away. Either way, I'm going to remember to think about the things that actually matter. Sometimes it is so easy to get caught up in the material parts of life than the meaningful parts of life. To overthink the wedding than the marriage, to overthink the anniversary trip than the anniversary....
As angry and upset as I was feeling, this whole bacteria issue really put things in perspective for me. I have a husband who is healthy. We are about to finally celebrate our first year of marriage together, a milestone we had waited and waited on for many years of being engaged. An anniversary should not be about where we go on a trip. Its the fact that we are together and we are celebrating each other. I am thankful for the red flags literally being thrown at us because who knows what could have happened if we went without knowing anything was in the water.
God's hand was literally on us this weekend and the last thing I needed to do was complain.
So as I say again, I cant wait to celebrate one year with that man. Whether its 12 hours away or right at home, it will be one wonderful day with my other half.


  1. I love your honesty and openness here, Lauren! I think it's so awesome that you are so willing to share your struggles of selfishness with all of us because we all struggle with it and its hard to tell the world "Hey world! I was selfish this weekend! " I really admire you for it. I hope you have a wonderful anniversary, friend!

  2. i love how you bring everything back to God and to focus on the meaningful thing which is the anniversary, not the trip. although it is completely natural to be bummed that you can't go on the trip you've been anticipating for so long! it's just not ok to stay there...and you obviously aren't! i know your first anniversary will be amazing no matter where you celebrate it! :) you are an encouragement to me!

  3. Your attitude is AWESOME, sweet friend. We all need to remember that--instead of focusing on the little minor details or what we DON'T, we need to be thankful for what we DO have. And you're so right. You should just plan something somewhere else! Either way, it'll be a time full of joy and celebrations, and you'll be with him, so that's all that matters!

  4. So sorry your trip had to be canceled from the bacteria!

  5. Oh my gosh, I hadn't heard of this bacteria going around in Florida! How scary. And you are not the only one who would feel the way you did at first- I would be SO disappointed! But- you still see the bigger picture and the one that holds the most importance - each other and health. God will bless the trip you end up taking, He will!!!

  6. Sweet Lauren....if I means anything- I am truly sorry!
    What a disappointment. But, what a beautiful attitude in being able to take an unfortunate situation and have a heart and desire to really make the best of it.
    I know we can all relate to this kind of disappointment at some level...and all to many times in my life I have made the wrong choice and let it ruin all hope of having a happy occasion that was just a bit different than I had planned.
    I hope this is a way that God blesses your socks off with giving you guys an AMAZING anniversary celebration that is different, but BETTER than you had hoped or imagined!
    Keep us posted friend on what you guys decide!
    Much love,

  7. I would have had a selfish moment as well - that is the flesh in us.
    but being able to recognize your selfishness and see the good is what is important- how you tied up this post just goes to show you reset your perspective on the right things!